London, England – Concerns that the English cricket team could face a public relations backlash following their recent “urine-gate” celebrations have abated after a poll of people without access to Sky Sports TV revealed that only 12% were aware that England had won the Ashes.
The Gallop poll, to be published in today’s Daily Telegraph, further revealed that a massive 71% of the terrestrial TV audience had no idea there had even been an Ashes series this summer, whilst 23% were unaware that cricket was still being played at a professional level.
According to PR expert, Mike Tanner, a consultant specialising in sports branding, England have dodged a public relations bullet.
“If this was 2005 when the entire series was free-to-air and cricket was front page news, we’d have a PR disaster on our hands. But now, as far as half the country’s population are concerned, cricket may as well not exist.”
However, when pushed, Tanner refused to see parallels with rumours that the England squad of 2005 had relieved themselves in the garden during a post-Ashes visit to 10 Downing Street.
“Peeing on the Oval pitch is seen by many as disrespectful to the game of cricket. Pissing in Tony Blair’s garden in the aftermath of the invasion of Iraq was a PR masterstroke. I’ve since advised a number of my clients wanting to improve their image to do the same thing. There’s a huge brown stain on the former Prime Minister’s front lawn that is a testament to my working relationship with members of the Chelsea squad.”
In related news: The England Women’s Cricket Team won their equivalent Ashes series on Thursday night. Celebrations are understood to have been “boisterous but hygienic”.