Mona Lisa

by Leonardo da Vinci

“Call that a smile? I wouldn’t call it a taxi…and look at the gap between those eyes, you could get a bus between ‘em, “





Full Fathom Five

by Jackson Pollock

“…terrible technique, just one lazy stroke after another…”






By M. C. Escher

“…looks nowt like the steps up to the Oval dressing rooms…”


Venus De Milo



Venus de Milo

By Alexandros of Antioch

“…how the hell are you supposed to put your pads on without arms?…other than that, not bad…”
Raft of the Medusa




Raft of the Medusa

By Théodore Géricault

“…call this a bleak representation of human misery, try attending a Yorkshire committee meeting…”
Big Heads




Big Heads

By Pablo Picasso

“Is that hand growing out of his neck or just floating in mid air? Either way, any umpire worth his salt will no ball you for an action like that”








By Michael Vaughan

 “…who’s this by? Vaughan? Never heard of him. Welsh lad is he?…”




Next time on Geoff Boycott, Art Critic: Why the impressionists were “just a bunch of chancers who couldn’t colour between the lines” and what Van Gogh’s Sunflowers tells us about his potential as a limited overs death bowler