Lord’s, London – In a further sign that workload management has become a hot button issue in world cricket, ECB Chief Executive David Collier has today been appointed to the role of looking smug during England ODI and Twenty20 games. Collier takes over one-day pomposity duty from ECB Chairman Giles Clarke, who will continue to exude an overwhelming sense of self importance whilst representing the organisation at Test matches.
With a busy international schedule leading to increased time demands on Clarke to look overly pleased with himself in overseas hospitality boxes, the ECB have been considering splitting the role between two members of their executive board for some time but it’s understood that it was the length of England’s recent tour of India that finally bought the issue to a head.
“People don’t realise the sheer amount of energy required to spend six hours a day in 40 degree heat sycophantically laughing at BCCI board member jokes, ” explained a source within the ECB, “and you can only glad-hand next to a hospitality buffet packed with high-cholesterol snacks for so long before fitness becomes an issue. Giles is in his fifties now; we need to keep him in the peek physical and mental shape needed to spend all day reminding overseas dignitaries who invented the game in the first place. That means resting him from the relentless schedule of international one-day cricket with its packed programme of vol-au-vents, media rights chit-chat and trying to look interested in explanations of the Duckworth-Lewis method.”
With the ICC future tours programme becoming increasingly crowded, a number of other international boards are expected to monitor the situation. However ECB insiders are confident the new split role will work out, with Collier said to be considering a more informal style of smugness described as “different but complimentary” to the more traditional brand of English cricket arrogance displayed by Clarke.
The first chance to see Collier in his new role will be during the opening T20 international between New Zealand and England at Auckland on the 9th February. An email thanking the Eden Park authorities for providing catering ‘almost as good as Lord’s’ is being prepared in advance.