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Shane_Warne

Perth, Australia – In a surprising interview with The Press Association, Shane Warne has claimed that he’s open to making a Test match return after rediscovering his ability to wind-up the English press corps with descriptions of none-existent mystery deliveries.

Warne, who despite retiring five years ago is still six places above current Australian spinner Nathan Lyon in the ICC Test bowling rankings, admitted that a dip in form had played a part in his retirement from Test cricket at the end of the 2006/07 Ashes.

“I was still bowling as well as ever when I called it a day, but I’d lost the ability to invent imaginary mystery deliveries to bullshit English cricket writers with at the traditional pre-Ashes press conference. I had to reuse some old imaginary deliveries during that final press conference and whilst it felt like the bullshit was still coming out ok from my end, the English press knew what to expect and it just didn’t have the same mesmerising effect of old.

Fortunately a recent afternoon spent playing Hungry Birds with my kids gave me the inspiration for my new ‘catapult ball’. It’s still early days and some of my bullshit about it isn’t being delivered as well as I’d like but I’m confident that with practise I’ll be able to make it sound unplayable in time for next summer’s pre-Ashes press conference in England.”

However, Associated Press Sports Editor, Bruce Humber, remains unsure if a Warne Test comeback would be a success.

“Shane might be able to invent a new mystery delivery to bullshit the press with but other aspects of his game have deteriorated in the past five and a half years.

For a start you need to remember that putting pressure on an umpire was a vital component in Warne’s bowling arsenal and judging by recent photos of Shane’s forehead I’m not sure if he’s still able to express incredulity at a turned down lbw appeal. Without that he just won’t be the same bowler.”

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