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Mumbai, India – Today’s stunning ten wicket victory in Mumbai is the worst thing England has ever done in India, that’s the surprising conclusion of historian, Professor Gavin Wright.

Professor Wright – head of history at the Correspondence School of Billericay, recently ranked the world’s worst university by UNESCO – is no stranger to controversy after previously claiming that last year’s test series against Pakistan in the UAE had “damaged England’s spotless reputation in the Middle East” and that a nine wicket victory at Ahmedabad earlier this month had been “India’s greatest triumph since The Battle of the Little Bighorn”.

When challenged over his claims, Professor Wright was unrepentant, “I’ve checked all though the Penguin Bumper Book of Historical Facts and I’m confident I’ve placed England’s victory in its proper context,” adding, “I’ve also checked with mum, who’s head of our mathematics department, and she’s confirmed that the previously expected 4-0 series win by India is now only a 50/50 statistical possibility, although that estimate comes with a margin of error of 50%.”

In related news, the ICC’s anti-corruption unit has confirmed they’ve received complaints from Indian bookmakers that some members of the England team “deliberately played well in Asia” during the Mumbai test. It’s understood that the rarity and surprising nature of these events has triggered an immediate investigation.

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