“Just tell me what you see, Mark”

“It’s the coin toss before a Lord’s Test match”

“Ok, great”

“With the light shimmering off that tumbling disc of silver illuminating all of humanity”


“Tyche, Greek Goddess of chance has wrapped her golden embrace around St John’s Wood!”

“Erm, you really don’t need to go into this much detail”

“Twenty-Two men, their fates entwined, their lives forever locked in…”

*interrupting* “You understand I’m charging £75 an hour for this session?”

“Two nations destiny controlled by….”

*insisting* “We really need to move on now. What about this next image?”

“A drinks break water cart”

*suspiciously* “OK”

“very much the McLaren F1 of hydration management”

“oh, God”

“Man’s thirst quenched by your life-giving mesmerizingly chilled waters. Oh how humanity has yearned for…”

*losing patience* “Let’s move on to the next image!”

“It’s the Channel 9 studio toilet”


”Generous bowl, aggressive flush, it’s the dunnie of the Gods!”


“ok, ok, it’s a butterfly…”

“Thank you”

“Embodiment of nature’s ability to evolve. Decorous winged signal of summer’s arrival. The heaven’s have opened and you have descended to…”

“OH FOR FUCK SAKE!” *throws notepad in waste bin*