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  • Make sure selectors notice you having intense conversation with Graham Gooch in nets (With practise you’ll automatically filter out his boring golf anecdotes about John Emburey)
  • Get in umpires good books by smiling warmly and rolling your eyes whenever they mention Stuart Broad
  • Take guard with confidence. Try not to fall in hole scratched out by Jonathan Trott during first innings
  • Take a good look around and assess the field. Do the photographers have a clear line of sight to capture a profile shot of you looking thoughtful?
  • Make mental note to play spinners with bat in front of pad (even Pakistani fielders rarely drop lbw’s)
  • Clear mind of unnecessary thoughts (dancing cheerleaders, location of your stumps) and prepare for the first delivery.
  • Check the wicketkeeper’s ok when your middle stump cartwheels back into his groin
  • As you walk off, do your sad face. Chicks love your sad face
  • Apply for primary club membership
  • And remember: It’s time to start moving your feet (back to county cricket)