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  • Each tour begins with two weeks intensive training in Ibiza
  • Compulsory nets, optional games
  • Players only run a third in exchange for Pizza Hut vouchers
  • Coach’s laptop holds in-depth video analysis of Jenna Jameson
  • Chris Gayle dropped for being ‘too hyper’
  • Typical 20/20 field: wk, cover, backward point, seven guys on boundary chatting up cheerleaders
  • Latest victory dedicated to “our greatest inspiration, the dude who wrote Portal 2”
  • Team bowling machine converted to roll up ‘cigarettes’
  • Can you think of another side who bat in jeans?
  • Team ice-bath contains 50% rum, 50% coke