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Captain of Her HeartTo Swing His Balls Once Again

They say you should never go back to your ex, but she couldn’t escape the feeling a terrible mistake had been made when she ended things with Martin. It was true that for a while their relationship had seemed to lack the zing it once had – that certain something that made it special. But had she done the right thing to dump him on the basis of one bad night out?

Since then she seemed to be in constant turmoil, turning from one suitor to another. There’d been Steven, the tall Geordie, but he was a terrible complainer and the state of the carpet round her toilet bowl quickly became a testament to how shaky his hands were when nervous.

Ryan, a local lad who’d moved away to improve himself, had been a longer dalliance. For a while it looked like he might be the one to replace Martin, but his anger management issues led to verbal outbursts in public and he had a hair cut Phil Spector would have described as ‘over the top’.

The others had been just as much a waste of time. James, who given the right environment, liked to swing it both ways and Stuart who towered above her but still looked young enough to be her son.

It was no good, summer was almost here and she wanted an end to this disappointment. Perhaps it was time to take Martin back? Time to let him ‘close his eyes and wang it’ once again…