Headingley, England – In a widely anticipated move, the ECB have announced they are to rest common sense ahead of Friday’s third one-day international against the West Indies. In addition, sensible forward planning and value for money are also to be sidelined, with commercial imperative, greed and indifference to spectators drafted in as late replacements.
The controversial step is being presented by England’s cricket authorities as a consequence of their policy of workload management.
“We had no choice,” explained a source within the ECB’s marketing department, “as after scheduling over a hundred ODI’s during the past eighteen months, common sense was pretty much exhausted despite having already been rested throughout the production of the Morgan Report.”
However, it remains to be seen whether the ECB’s explanation can placate fans who have already paid up to £60 for a chance to watch a now depleted England one-day squad.
“I’m gutted about the non-appearance of common sense,” fumed ticket holder, Jonathan Cooper, “Despite what happened earlier in the season with Ajmal Shahzad, most spectators around here regard Headingley as its home ground. Why can’t it be rested for a game at Lords? They pay £9 for a pint down there, you know. They don’t have any common sense to start with.”
In related news, Tim Bresnan is also to be rested for Friday’s Headingley based ODI.
“With forty-seven days of international cricket this summer we needed to rest Tim at some point,” said a spokesman for Team England, “and with only five ODI’s in London we thought it best to leave him out at Headingley rather than disappoint his many supporters in the capital.”