, ,

Brisbane, Australia – The future viability of ODI cricket is under threat, with over thirty percent of international players considering retirement from the format so they can spend more time at home on Twitter. That’s the sobering conclusion of a survey conducted by the University of Queensland.

“Kevin Pietersen will be the first of many,” predicted Professor Clive Davison, head of the university’s sports science faculty, “as playing in all formats of the international game can leave the top players with as little as forty nights a year at home in which to piss about on social network sites.”

“Spectators need to understand that sport is a desperately short career with only a precious few years in which an athlete can become a leading member of the twitterati,” he added, “That means growing pressure, once players have passed their peak, to put in the hard graft needed to increase their follower count. Having to spend time playing cricket just gets in the way of that. Something has to give.”

One leading player, who asked to remain anonymous, backed the survey’s findings.

“I’m not sure how long fifty over cricket can survive, as I know dozens of guys who are considering retiring to spend more time with their iPad. Supporters will be angry, but we have to offer an alternative to Joey Barton tweeting quotes he doesn’t understand and Michael Owen arguing with Piers Morgan.”

Professor Davison was in agreement, “If we have to sacrifice ODI cricket, so be it. As it’s my considered opinion that if footballers gain control of Twitter, we, as a species, are screwed.”


Graeme Swann has over 380,000 followers. He was too busy tweeting the word ‘banter’ to comment.