17th October 2011

Confusion surrounds English cricket this evening, after a crushing defeat in today’s one-day international has left the largest sporting Ponzi scheme in living memory on the verge of collapse and England’s press pack under the imminent threat of arrest for fraud.

For almost a year now, gullible English sports fans have been persuaded to make an increasing emotional investment in their cricket team in exchange for the promise of an unsustainable rate of return in regards of actual success.

Results during last winter’s tour of Australia allowed hucksters in the press to sell the idea of “high-yield offshore returns”, whilst our rollercoaster performances throughout the recent World Cup were bundled together, securitised, labelled “Sub-Prime” and unloaded onto unsuspecting Bangladeshi supporter sites.

But with two crushing defeats in the last four days, the scheme’s central selling-point “emotionally commit to the idea of England as world number one and they will continue to win” has been exposed as a massive fraud hiding behind a seductive lie. India have shown the futures market in English ODI success to be a mirage with no underlying asset. A derivative with no over-the-counter value.

Does anyone know the Hindi equivalent of the English word Schadenfreude?