If there’s one lesson to take from this tour, it’s that we need to clone Dravid. Scientists can do it with sheep, cows, and Jedward, so why not with humans as well?

Obviously we don’t want the gene that makes Rahul favour his forward defensive prod becoming any more dominant, as we’ll need to fund research with the promise of his IPL resale value. But if we can keep his blocking tendencies dialled down, I think we’re on to something.

Anyway, after knocking round a few ideas like ‘mini wall’ and ‘barricade’, I think I’ve finally settled on the right nickname for the project. So next chance I get, I’ll suggest to the BCCI that the best thing for India would be for them to create a new ‘partition’.

Looking forward to hearing their reaction.


Someone has hacked my Wikipedia page again.

Contrary to what it says, I don’t actually own Harare’s largest petting zoo or an ‘eponymous range of soups and condiments’.

I know exactly who’s behind this. “What flavour soup do they eat there?” and “Is there a petting zoo?” are the two questions I’ve heard Sreesanth and Munaf use to work out whether they’d want to live somewhere.

I tried tackling them about the wiki-vandalism this evening, but just ended up being sidetracked by their insanity again.

You start off with a clear idea of what you’re going to say, but before you know it, it’s yes, I know Guantanamo Bay doesn’t have a petting zoo. So you keep saying. That doesn’t “prove the system works” at all. And how does the availability of borscht trump the child mortality rate in your list of priorities? What do you mean it depends on whether it comes with croutons? Who the hell tries to eat croutons with borscht? Oh fuck off do they complement each other.