Great, the last thing I need is a snotty email from the BCCI wanting to know how we let Alastair Cook bat through another full day’s play.

Erm, excuse me. Look at the scorecard. We only got in 26 overs. By modern standards that’s barely four hours cricket. How are you supposed to get Alastair Cook out in that time?

For God Sake, after every forward defensive the guy practices celebrating his double century, and when he reaches his double century he celebrates by practising a forward defensive. Twenty six overs is a blink of the eye to him.

Oh, and people can get off the backs of our new ball bowlers as well. Do you have any idea how poor a delivery has to be before England’s openers are tempted into playing an attacking shot? Put into that context, RP Singh’s opening over was a master class in unnerving the opposition. He had Cook playing cover drives for goodness sake! Before lunch!! On the first day of a Test!!! Only four months into the season!!!!



After some of the unfavourable comments he’s made about us in the media, I’ve banned Ganguly from our dressing room. Initial efforts proved fruitless as it turns out he has a master key for all test venues. So we’ve now resorted to wedging a chair under the door handle whenever we hear him approach.

Thankfully we’re always tipped off by the sound of the midget he employs to walk ten paces in front of him with a ghetto blaster playing the theme from Rocky.


Beginning to doubt the commitment of some of our players. Number of the senior pros went out for dinner tonight and I ended up watching Celebrity Big Brother to make sure none of them entered the house.

Found myself wishing a couple of them would.