Seven point plan for India to recapture no.1 test status (initial thoughts):
- Too many quality players emerging from county cricket. Need to schedule IPL during middle of English season to disrupt championship.*
- Organise two match home series against weaker test nations (Bangladesh, Zimbabwe, Australia etc)
- Purchase Davina McCall’s Hips, Bums and Tums workout DVD for senior players
- Contact BBC Who do you think you are? team. Does Dale Steyn have Indian heritage? Liking the food is enough. That’s closer than Eoin Morgan is to being English.
- Can we get ICC to ban use of the Duke ball? Wrong question. Should we? Wrong question. When can we?
- Would Vivian Westwood all white pantaloons afford greater mobility to slip cordon? (Note: May need to remove Manic Street Preachers style slogans from gusset support panel. Arrange fitting whilst in London?)
- Maintain block on Hawkeye. It’s far too inaccurate. The projected path of the ball goes nowhere near Dhoni’s gloves.
* Have double-checked. Seems ECB has already got this covered.
[Memo to self: Tidy up a couple of points then submit to BCCI costings board]