Beginning to think I was sold a pup at my interview.

The recruitment panel mentioned Rahul was known as ‘The Wall’, but they didn’t say it was because slip catches bounce off his hands like his fingers are made of brick.

Now they’re on the phone to me, moaning about “the number one side in the world” having it’s bowling attack made to look as penetrating as a paper cut. I’ve had to reassure them that Alastair Cook’s unlikely to score as many runs in his second innings.

Something they’ve reluctantly agreed with.


Can’t believe I wasted my time taking this lot to the pictures.

“Why aren’t there any songs?”

Erm, it’s a Harry Potter movie. Since when are they musicals?

Yes, you have seen a film without songs before, VVS. Care to explain your Bladerunner t-shirt then? I don’t remember too many big band numbers in that. Ok, no, I haven’t seen Ridley Scott’s Final Edit. You’re honestly trying to tell me they found a clip of Harrison Ford breaking into a show tune lying round on the cutting room floor and stuck it back in?

No, exactly.

Oh, fuck off is there a tap dance routine in Dune. The planet’s made of sand. Now I know you’re talking shit, Laxman.


Can’t believe Sreesanth and Manuf snuck a KFC bargain bucket into the cinema.

Yes, I know the concession stand is expensive but at least everyone gets what they want. I’m trying to enjoy Andy Serkis’s performance. I don’t want it interrupted by you offering round the last bit of fried skin.


Final thought for the day: Anyone in the Brimingham riots who looted tickets for Sunday, I think it’s fair to say the jokes on you.