Seriously? It’s come to this? We have to eat variety pack cereals at breakfast to stop people arguing over who gets to collect the tokens off the big boxes?

Who wants free tickets to Chessington World of Adventures anyway? Yes, Pirate’s Cove looks exciting. But we’ll be back in India by the middle of September. You’d never eat enough Coco Pops to get your entire family in for free by then.

Yes, I know Mishra always eats two bowls. I’ve already had a word with the physio about his sugar intake. We’ve enough injuries without him losing a foot to diabetes.

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Getting feedback from BCCI accounts department about expense claim form for first month of tour.

Itemised hotel bills seem their main area of concern.

Querying why Manuf ordered a screening of Showgirls for seventeen nights in succession. Well, if you have to ask the question you’ve clearly never been away from home for that period of time. It’s Sreesanth watching The Hunt for Red October five times that’s got me scratching my head. Although it does explain why he keeps asking me to “drink a toast to Murmansk” in a Scottish accent.

Why the anti-social pair can’t gather in the captain’s room and watch his Series 7 DVD of America’s Top Model with the rest of us is beyond me. Having said that, I lost interest when Monique was knocked out just before we got to the swimwear episode. The judges putting through Brooke instead is a scandal. That girl is SUCH a bitch.

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England have picked Bopara at bat at six. To the untrained eye that looks like they’re not taking us seriously anymore, but I suspect they’re actually switching to a five batsmen, four and a half bowler strategy.

Have asked MS not to repeat my thoughts in press conference. Don’t want England knowing we’re on to them.

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