Prevaan went off the deep end again today. This time it’s because “the supporters keep staring at me”. Well of course they’re staring at you. Take off the Kiss Army make-up and perhaps you’d blend in a bit more at Wantage Road.

It’s not as if we haven’t already been through this in the Caribbean.

“I can hear voices when I bowl”.

Well, stop wearing your iPod when you go on the field then. That’s why you hear voices. It’s Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons. Weren’t you surprised contact from another dimension came via the lyrics to Plaster Castor?

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Zak has had to be pulled from the tour after alarm bells rang at IPL headquarters when he was only able to complete three overs today.

Emailed BCCI with requirements for his replacement: ultra tall (1.90 – 2.00m) hit the wicket bowler. Genuine pace, 140-150 kph.

They’re sending someone called R P Singh. Name rings bell. Can’t remember what he looks like. Am looking forward to meeting this man mountain.

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Had a word with Laxman about the doctor’s notes excusing various players from training. A moving document of the various debilitating coughs, colds, aches and pains that have struck down the squad since I increased the training schedule under my watch.

Nice try VVS, but you used exactly the same signature as the one on your bat logo.

Oh, the Hyderabad Accident and Emergency headed notepaper was a nice touch, no question about that. But for future reference if you’re going to forge yourself an excusatory note, it’s best not to write it in the first person.

Or to claim that you can catch feline leukaemia from using an ice-bath.

Seriously, did Gary Kirsten have to put up with this crap?

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