Thursday evening, ten pin bowling in Northampton. Not exactly the glamorous pinnacle of international cricket but a necessary distraction.

Tonight was Sehwag’s first evening with the tour party so we decided to let our hair down and a bowling alley was the only place we could think of that Virender could wear his bandana without people pointing and laughing.

Well, never again.

It was bad enough when the team insisted Tendulkar “had the honour” of wearing the most expensive bowling shoes they had behind the counter. Not sure Sachin felt honoured when they brought out a pair of size seventeens. Poor bugger flopped around like Coco the Clown all night. It was embarrassing the way he had to walk sideways up to the bar to be served.

Still, at least he didn’t insist on wearing his sponsored footwear like some of the others. Ever seen someone try and bowl in Cuban heels? They were tip toeing up to the lane like they were trying to retain a rectal thermometer.


How many times did I have to tell Manuf and Sreesanth? The Bolla Bear pin-parties are for under 12’s. And you have to book them in advance anyway.

Why the fuss? It’s just a sixth-former in a generic bear costume wearing a corporate t-shirt. It’s not as if we didn’t see him leaning on the ball-shining machine next to the staff toilet, picking his nose through the mouth piece. How is that magical? How could you possibly think being served fish fingers, chips and peas by him would be “the highlight of the tour”?

Really? What, more special than Lords?

Yes, I know Lords don’t have slush puppies and an air-hockey machine. I’ll be sure to mention your compliant to the MCC committee next chance I get.

Dear God, these two are driving me crackers.