Are the players ever going to give me five minutes piece? Half way through a phone interview and I’ve got some of them crowding round, complaining about the senior pros not taking their turn to sit over the wheel arch on the team bus.

How many times do we have to go over this?

You don’t have to sit over the wheel arch. The senior players don’t have to sit over the wheel arch. No one has to sit over the wheel arch. We’re a 17 man squad with eight back room staff and the coach is a 42 seater!

Ok, I understand that no one wants to sit near the toilet, but how big an exclusion zone do you want? It’s not the Fukushima nuclear facility for God sake. And why does anyone need to use it anyway? The hotel’s only 20 minutes drive from the ground.

Yes, the Stonehenge trip. I’ve already apologised for eating spicy food before we set off on the Stonehenge trip. But when Dravid said eating a chilli would prepare my palate for an Indian meal I didn’t realise I’d be sweating like an ECB official imagineering a press release.

So I’m sorry about the Stonehedge ‘unpleasantness’. Now let’s stop acting like thick brown gas was creeping under the door, start using up more of the available coach seating, and let me get back to my phone interview.


Continuing to work my way through Who fights now the Condor? the Bollywood re-imagining of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds by budding screenplay writer, VVS Laxman.

Enjoyed the set-piece space-hopper chase scene but the Death Star musical number seemed a bit tacked on and I’m not sure he’ll persuade Jackie Chan to play a hobbit.

Still, the plot is making a lot more sense than most Indian films.

Beginning to hope this gets the green light.


Ended up sitting over wheel arch on coach on way back to hotel.

FFS, does no one listen to me?