One-on-one with VVS this morning.

Got him to dress in full kit. Limber up with blade in hand. Helmet cleaned and ready for a long session. Just the way I like it.

Let him build up his strokes. Faster and faster. Again and again. Sweat dripping off him. The intensity rising to a crescendo.

And then it happened.

He called me Gary.

Had to put down box of Dukes and walk away from bowling machine. Tried not to show the hurt. But no one wants to discover their batsman’s thinking of his ex-coach whilst you’re in the middle of a net session.

~~~

While England continue to play find the lady with Chris Tremlett, I have decisively decided to replace Gambhir with Yuvraj in tomorrow’s decisive second test.

It’s a chance to see if we can ring the rag on KP’s slow left arm competency deficit. As well as realign the on-field cockiness balance by fielding a player so confident he must be able to visualise supermodels applauding his penis whenever he looks at his own test record.

~~~

Who died and made Dravid head of the kitchen police? All I wanted was a quick brew; but no, I’m not allowed to fill up from the tap. I’ve got to use the hot water he saved in the thermos from last time. Just enough for my one cup plus any extra needed to cover the element so we don’t have a blow out. And when that’s boiled, any water left goes back into the thermos and the post-it note with instructions is put back on the kettle.

It’s like the Japanese tea ceremony for OCD sufferers.

Well I’ll tell you what Rahul; want to do something for the environment? Stop driving round in that top of the range Merc of yours and leave me alone to dunk my hobnob in peace!

Sorry. Still emotional about the VVS incident.

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