Palpable sense of disbelief in dressing room when Sachin fell on 34. The little master has been denied. The inevitable has been, erm, evitabled. Thor has failed. Is Thor one of the Hindu ones? I researched all that stuff before the job interview. Can’t believe I’ve forgotten it already.

Anyway, the wait for Sachin’s hundredth international hundred continues. All of India is ready for its JFK moment. A billion souls longing to find out where they were when he passed the milestone – although for most of them the answer will be watching cricket on TV, which isn’t much of an anecdote to dine out on.

[Side Note: This JFK comparison isn’t working. I’m going to end up likening English bowlers to Lee Harvey Oswald and the Nursery End to the Texas Book Depository. Need to think of better analogy for next edition of memoirs. Something with animals perhaps? Indians love animals. Got to think of the Indian market. Huge sales potential.]

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Who the hell taught Stuart Broad to bowl like that? His pitch map doesn’t match any of the data on my laptop. How am I supposed to prepare batsmen for a test if the opposition’s brainless bouncer monkey suddenly develops a stock ball with a decent line and length? That’s an entire week working with the bowling machine on lollipop mode down the drain. Well, until we play the West Indies again in November.

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Zak’s fitness now a huge issue. Unlikely to bowl in remainder of test. Indian supporters demanding information/explanation.

Need quick scuba dive in group think tank. Call emergency ‘expectation management’ meeting. How to relanguage “we’re screwed” for India’s new media savvy urban elite? How to drain swamp and shoot press alligators?

Some helpful suggestions emerge. Emphasise difficulty of futuresighting headcount freeze failure in physio room. Reframe injury as off-lining premier new-ball resources for later projectile commit into series sweetspot.

Excellent. Getting the press to work out what that means should buy us another day or two.

Once again we have shaped the axiom, rather than allowing the axiom to shape us.

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