Awoke at six. Showered. Shaved. Donned traditional Indian Kimono. Then descended to breakfast with calm assurance of man at one with his working environment.
Later in morning, collected magnetised clip board, set off for first formal tour meeting with Indian squad.
Today’s discussion point: Can team stay at number one in world rankings without corporate song?
I press the point. Team dubious. But I meet resistance with workshop on challenges of an evolving employment culture. We discuss. We confront the status quo. We role play manager/worker conflict resolution. Me, Duncan, unconvinced firebrand worker bee. You, Sreesanth, unfulfilled middle manager with degree in cosmology and mounting mortgage payments.
We improvise. We inhabit our roles. We become the moment. The screaming reaches a crescendo. The imaginary dilemma is resolved.
Thank you, Sreesanth, off you go to counselling. They will mentally cleanse you of your new middle-management persona.
Time to reflect on meeting with players.
Progressed as expected: Initial scepticism about my methods, followed by reluctant acceptance, followed by more scepticism and team walkout.
Fear not, Duncan. Push them away and they will eventually trot back to you like wild horses yearning to be broken in. You are the cricket whisperer. They are young colts unaware they’re about to be gelded.
[Side Note: Process only works if stable door is closed. Remember to lock conference room before starting next team meeting]
Question to self: Would team walkout have occurred if I’d used the de-magnetised clipboard? Was “I am the Walrus” right suggestion for corporate/team song?
Much to ponder overnight.