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Manchester, England – Lancashire CCC are to send a formal letter of complaint to the Church of England following today’s none appearance of the prophesised ‘Rapture’. The club are understood to be disappointed that Judgement day hasn’t coincided with the six wicket victory over Yorkshire that took them to the top of the county championship table.

“Humanity’s continued survival is typical of our bad luck, “ said Lancashire committee member Bob Shears, “if the world ended now we’d be crowned 2011 champions. Theoretically at least, as there won’t be any survivors left to make a formal presentation.”

Lancashire’s sentiments may not be shared by everyone, but the ECB have confirmed that the ending of human existence whilst the North West county sits atop the championship table would have indeed secured them their first outright title since 1934.

“As things stand now, “ continued Mr Shears, “the chances are it’ll bucket down this side of t’Pennines at back end of t’summer, our form will slip, and some other bugger will win it again. We feel that God’s indecisiveness has robbed us of our best title chance in decades.”

A spokesman for the Archbishop of Canterbury denied the Church of England had made any claims about a coming Rapture, before adding, “Whilst we obviously believe in miracles, the church fully understands concern that Lancashire’s form won’t hold.”


In related news, the face of Geoff Boycott has been discovered burnt into a West Yorkshire man’s ham and cheese toastie. When asked to comment on the charred Yorkshire cricketing deity, the man, who asked to remain anonymous, would only say, “I’m not religious. If it’s a sign of anything it’s that my Breville sandwich toaster needs a new heating element.”