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Mumbai, India – There were mixed accounts today as to the fitness of Virender Sehwag for the upcoming Indian tour of England.

The player himself was relatively upbeat, claiming the shoulder surgery he underwent in London last week had been a “great success” which would most likely leave him available for the entire tour.

Others within the Indian set up are less optimistic however.

“Virender’s shoulder looks a lot better,“ conceded a source close to the dressing room, “but unfortunately after being told to rest his upper body he’s strained both his ankles whilst lazily opening and closing doors with his legs. It’s left him almost completely unable to move his feet.”

When pressed, a spokesman for the Indian team admitted there was a problem, but claimed “it’ll have almost no effect on his batting what so ever.” Adding, “Of course there are concerns about his mobility in the field, but given the rest of the Indian side he’d need to be in an iron lung before we’d move him away from backward point.”


In other injury news, team coach Duncan Fletcher has sustained mild concussion after banging his head on a doorframe as he reversed out of a room, as is the Indian tradition when it’s occupied by Sachin Tendulkar.

A spokesman for the Mumbai based superstar was quick to point out the custom wasn’t motivated by Tendulkar regarding himself as royalty.

“Sachin just gets a bit spooked whenever he sees an Indian player facing away from him. Down the years that’s only tended to happen when he’s half way down the pitch pushing hard for a second.”