The Oval, London – Preparations for Surrey’s championship match against Essex at Whitgift School have been thrown into confusion after head coach Chris Adams was detained by Oval security staff for suspected trespass. The incident happened early this afternoon when security guards prevented an unidentified man from entering the dressing room area.
“He was mumbling incoherently about ‘establishing team base camp’ and ‘leading an assault on the summit of the table’ as he was walking past,” explained Head of Oval Security, Martin Pikestaff, “We just assumed he was a drunken mountaineer, of whom there are many in this area of the capital.”
“We’d have recognised him if he had on his usual Sky Sports commentary uniform,” continued Martin, “instead he was wearing Derbyshire socks, a Sussex shirt, Yorkshire training pants and a Surrey tie. It looked like he’d run naked through a JJB sports outlet and grabbed everything he could get his hands on.”
A source close to the dressing room confirmed the players were just as nonplussed by Adams’ appearance, “How was anyone supposed to recognise him without a Sky Sports microphone in his hand? Everyone knows the drill when you want to see Chris. Turn on the tele, channel 402, there he is, sitting next to Bob Willis, trying not to look too bored. It’s got to the point where the younger players only recognise him if he puts his head inside an old hollowed out TV set we have in the canteen. Certainly no one expected to see him at the ground. Not our ground anyway. ”
Adams himself was in a combative mood when asked to comment on the incident, “For God sake, I’ve only covered the Sussex v Notts championship game this year and the one time I wore that TV set was at last years end of season fancy dress party when I went as Alan Titchmarsh. Someone on the staff is playing a bloody stupid practical joke.”
Rory Hamilton-Brown is 23 and was unavailable for comment.