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Providence, Guyana – A press conference following the West Indies’ crushing ten wicket defeat of Pakistan descended into farce last night after victorious captain Darren Sammy launched into an impassioned apology for his sides performance.

“It’s the strangest thing I’ve seen in years and that includes Sunil Narine’s bowling action,” said Felix Greene, Arts & Crafts correspondent for the Tobago Times, “It wasn’t until he started a detailed explanation of a non-existent batting collapse that my colleague on the Barbadian Bugle reminded him they’d actually won the game without losing a wicket.”

At that point a visibly confused Sammy was escorted away, with a spokesman for the WICB claiming that “modern West Indies captains are given extensive media training in how to apologise at press conferences. The adrenalin of today’s victory clearly effected Darren and he instinctively fell back on that training.”

However rumours soon started of a different explanation. One that appeared to be confirmed by a source close to the team, “truth is, West Indian cricketers pay very little attention to the game, even when they’re on the field of play. So Darren wasn’t quite sure what happened today but managed to get hold of the match report Tony Cozier filed shortly after the toss and based his remarks on what had been written.”

The West Indies and Pakistan stay in Guyana for the first of a two match Test Series which begins next week. Tony Cozier is currently writing a review of that match and was unavailable for comment.

In related news: Makers of ‘Fire in Babylon’, the documentary film about the great West Indian side of the 70’s and 80’s, have pledged a percentage of their profits to backgroundbuzz a tinnitus self-help group formed by England fans who sat too close to the West Indian supporters steel band during the 1984 ‘blackwash’ series.

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