25th March 2011

A veil of secrecy hangs over my calf injury. Actually, as Jimmy Anderson pointed out, it’s a pair of navy blue Matalan sweat pants. But for those of us whose turn of phrase extends beyond basic sledging and “one of each and some scraps”, it remains a veil of secrecy.

The exact results of yesterdays scan are currently being disseminated on a “need to know basis” within a “core circle of trust”. Thus far that circle is confined to Andy Flower, Cap’n Ring-on-a-String, our medical staff and Barnaby, a rep from the ECB’s official PR Company ‘Plastic Smile’, who’s been embedded with us all winter.

You’ll notice no mention of yours truly on that list. It seems I’m not part of the “critical decision path” and for now my interest has been “parked as a side issue” whilst a strategy is formed to “get the leg over all media platforms as best we can”. You can imagine my upset at being left out of that discussion. It’s what a young athlete trains half a lifetime for.

Speaking of cricketers being left in the dark, Adil Rashid, England’s sporting equivalent of a trapped Chilean miner, has finally been winched to the surface. Over a year since being metaphorically cast down a mine with the shaft deliberately collapsed behind him, the selectors have decided to free him in the hope of an idyllic, shit-eating grin, photo opportunity on the surface.

Alternately they’re just yanking his chain again and have dragged him all the way from the Caribbean to ferry drinks around in Columbo before flying back with us to England.

You don’t need to be in the “core circle of trust” to work out which of those is most likely…