22nd March 2011

Graeme Swann’s epic career arc continues on its inevitable path towards runner-up in I’m A Celebrity 2017 and the drive-time indie nostalgia hour on Cotswold FM. Currently we’re somewhere near its peak, where as a double Ashes winner and 20/20 World Cup holder he can confidently state “Colombo is named after that little detective fella” without anyone suspecting he’s being serious.

These truly are his salad days. Caesar salad days, which he believes to have inspired the Shakespeare play of a similar name. It’s this tentative grasp on logic, common sense and general knowledge that had him asking if I was a Steven King fan after he saw me reading House of the Dead. But try telling anyone about that and they just laugh at his great sense of humour. Its times like this that I die a little inside, then offer to lend him 1984 to see if he can work out why HAL isn’t in the prequel.

Colombo is hot, damn hot. The city I mean, not Peter Falk. You could fry an egg on James Tredwell’s forehead out here. Not that we would, he made it perfectly clear he didn’t like that last year in Bangladesh.

But it’s the heat we must prepare for. In the words of Andy Flower we need to “optimise hydration” and “ring fence our short-burst energy capability”.

So, drink plenty of water and no pre-match boredom wank it is then…strategy sorted…