18th March 2011

Well, I suppose England were due a close game.

If you look at yesterday from that point of view, it makes a bit more sense. Still a bizarre day though. Started when Ajmal got the shits so bad he pulled a hamstring, and continued with us making a few surprise changes (catching the ball and winning the match to be exact).

And who’d of thought James Tredwell would be picked? A lot of the lads had forgotten he was on tour. I thought he was some bald geezer in the security team. I know he doesn’t look like an ex-marine, I just assumed he was one of those inconspicuous guys who turn out to be a psycho, like Ben Kingsley in Dirty Beast or the shark in Jaws. He had a good game though, old Tredders, four wickets following a run out that’ll make him a fortune in blooper show residuals. That’s where the real money is. Ask Kamran Akmal. Without him HBO Pakistan’s Wicketkeepers do the Craziest Things would just be that footage from back in the day of Wasim Bari marrying a bowling machine.

I thought Luke played well yesterday too…




…sorry, I was just pondering the enormity of that last sentence and temporarily blew my own mind. Thank goodness I was able to bring myself back to reality by retrieving an image of Chris Tremlett being hit for six.

There were plenty to choose from; we got hit for nine of ‘em yesterday and only scored one ourselves. You can’t win matches if you do that. It’s impossible. The press told us so.

Still, at least we can agree with them on a couple of things. The story of England’s 2011 campaign will only be properly told when a thesaurus entry exists for WTF. And for entertainment value alone we deserve to win the World Cup.

That or a pair of commemorative clown shoes. Either/Or.