11th March 2011

Well done Bangladesh, you’re the new Ireland, except with better spin resources and a more robust economic model. Of course, some people are suggesting England are the new Pakistan. Nonsense, they’d never pick a wicketkeeper as error-prone as Matt Prior.

No, this is the usual England rollercoaster, although it does feel like our World Cup campaign has been scripted by Christopher Nolan. If we lose to the West Indies next Thursday I fully expect it to act as the hypnic jerk required to wake us up in a cinema showing Inception.

I wonder what it’s like to play in a normal team? You know, the mundane ones who lose to the better sides, walk over minnows, and don’t have to post a long stop as one of their powerplay outfielders.

I bet their post-match de-brief’s aren’t as long as ours. So many unanswered questions. Why did we bat as if this was a timeless test? Were Matt’s reactions slow enough for Kamran Akmal to have stumped him at a third attempt? How much would Stuart have sulked if he’d been the one having to bowl with a damp ball? And perhaps most important of all, which member of the squad is going to dead-leg Jimmy so he can’t play against the West Indies?

Speaking of Jimmy, many thanks to the staff at the Chittagong stadium for lending us the towel we draped over his head whilst smuggling him onto the team bus. You can imagine how embarrassing it’d have been for his loved ones to see him do the walk of shame. More embarrassing than his bowling I mean. Can you imagine that? No, it is hard.

Anyway, I’m back at the hotel now. Time to spin a coin on a table top and see is it stops or if we really are trapped in a dream…