3rd March 2011

Graeme Swann is confident England can still win the World Cup. He said so in a press conference. A real press conference with real journalists, as well as John Etheridge of the Sun.

This is great stuff from Graeme. Positive vibes.

It’s also an indication of the mental state of a man who believes we live in a matrix style reality where only people with verified twitter accounts actually exist. So that would be Glenn Beck, Kim Kardashian and Charlie Sheen but oddly enough not Graeme himself.

Shine on you none existent diamond.

Swanny of course avoided most of last night’s carnage due to his subtle variations of pace, flight and dip. Also he’d finished bowling his allocation before Kevin O’Brien went completely ape-shit coo coo bananas and could therefore look on at us smugly like a man with the last ticket out of Tombstone before the Clanton gang hit town.

As a bowler you’ve just got to be pragmatic about that kind of innings. You’ve got to say to yourself, “that was a one off, I’ll never happen again, because come next May he’ll be in our side and we never play innings like that”.

The important thing is we’ve all learnt what it’s like to be Jimmy Anderson. By that I mean what it’s like to be shellacked on the sub-continent, not what it’s like to be a Lancastrian. I could never summon that amount of empathy; not without a qualified therapist on hand with a safety word to lead me back to the light.

No, we have bonded as a bowling unit. Shell shock does that.

We have stared into the abyss and seen that it has stupid dyed hair and a foreign accent. We have learnt that Kevin O’Brien is the new Kevin Pietersen, except with an ODI century scored within living memory.

I, for one, welcome our new Irish overlords…