2nd March 2011

Well that was embarrassing. Even for Jimmy and he plays for Lancashire.

Let’s be honest, we were terrible today. So bad that Ireland have asked for us to be re-classified as an associate nation to water down the qualifying tournament for the next world cup.

How did it go so wrong? This is the bowling attack that inflicted three innings defeats on Australia. Plus Mike Yardy. PLUS MIKE YARDY! We should be at least twice as good now.

Our main problem seems to be bowling the opposition out. I blame KP. He makes the job of taking his own wicket look so easy it’s making our attack feel inadequate. Then of course there’s our fielding, which has more dropped balls than the Westminster boy’s choir and the speed over ground of a ploughing contest.

The annoying thing is we’ve had two goes at recruiting Ireland’s best player and we’ve still not got it right. Bloody Kevin O’Brien; the only thing that put him off in the end was the thought of having to play for us in 2013. What was it he got? 113 off 63 balls? I make that a run for every £60 million we’ve just lent Ireland. Eoin Morgan must be kicking himself; his central contract’s nowhere near that.

Once O’Brien was out we had a chance to nick the game back at the end, but they’d done so well up to that point if we’d won the game then it would of probably been the worst thing England has ever done to Ireland.

The only bright side from the match is that we didn’t have to watch the reaction from the Sky Studios in London. I can imagine Bob Willis was sitting there, ranting incoherently, like Col GaddafiI if he developed an irrational love of the Australian domestic set-up. And I wonder if Charles Colville lowered his Union Jack under-crackers to half-mast to mark the occasion?

Thought for the day: To put this defeat into context, we’d probably be shit at Gaelic football too.