23rd February 2011

Management’s inquest into yesterday’s worrying performance against Holland continues to make all the sense of a game of Dungeons & Dragons with Colonel Gaddafi as the dungeon master. Most of us are just jotting down the odd fragments of English we can pick up on – “cross platform placement”, “opposition initiative shrinkage”, “reimagineered success template” – in the vain hope we can piece it all together later. Easier said than done of course; the effort required to work out “Cloud-sharing algorithm” has made Swanny’s nose bleed, and frankly that guy needs as much blood getting up to his brain as possible.

At least this afternoon we switched over to preparations for the upcoming India match. A lot of work’s being put into combating Sehwag in particular, with the emphasis on bowlers maintaining a tight off-stump line and plenty of practice of those high swirling catches you get in the deep when overenthusiastic spectators throw the ball back from the upper tiers. You don’t want to drop one of those. Very embarrassing.

Full marks to Andy Flower for the work he’s putting in with our batsmen as well. You can see the confidence returning to Colly’s footwork, plus lots of progress is being made with Trotty as well, as the OCD side of his personality is gradually channelled away from his fidgety mannerisms at the crease and towards something more creative – he’s currently building a scale model of the Millennium Falcon in Minecraft. You can hear the imitation Wookie noises as you pass his room on a night. At least I assume that’s what they are.

Ah, must dash. Late night nibbles and “strategy throw downs” have been convened by Cap’n Ring-on-a-string. Should I collect Trotty on the way? Mmm, perhaps it’s better to let him make his own way down after he’s finished re-moulding his light-drive. I believe that’s what he said he was doing…