15th February 2011

I’m not a morning person. I’m the first to admit it. On the contrary, I’m someone who needs to be eased into the day. Give me time for a shit, shower and shave, then the peace and quiet to gently relax into my organic muesli unfettered by the cares of the world.

What I don’t need first thing in the morning is to sit opposite Andy Flower whilst he fog horns down the phone to the ICC.

It seems we have a stand-off between ‘Team England’ and the tournament organisers over whether AJ and I are permitted to field in mobility scooters. Apparently this falls into a grey area between what’s explicitly stated in the laws and what’s within the spirit of the game. Although if anyone took the time to ask me my opinion I’d be delighted to clear things up for them, as there’s no way a left hand, right hand, batting partnership is going to have me slowly trundling round from third man to third man for the entertainment of a largely bemused Bangladeshi crowd.

I’d like to say that myself and Ajmal are presenting a united front on this but unfortunately AJ’s already woofed down his Sugar Puffs and headed off into downtown Dhaka looking for “new rims and a sound system to pimp my ride”. Exactly what an Easyrider2000 will look like with 22’ stainless steel wheels remains to be seen.

Update: A late night call from Lords has ruled out the use of mobility scooters. A relief for me but a tough break for Ajmal, who after a hard day’s graft has finally got his rear wheel suspension to bounce. He’s low-riding round the hotel right now with quite a crowd gathered to watch.

I think it’s down to me to break the news to him. I’ll do it now as it’s best to nip this “for shizzle” nonsense in the bud before AJ turns full-on Huggy Bear. Before you know it, Cap’n Ring-on-a-String will think his flares are back in fashion. And that way madness lies…