21st January 2011

The holographic principle of string theory states that the event horizon of a black hole contains a two dimensional representation of all matter that has fallen within. I can’t remember who came up with that idea but they’ve obviously seen England’s use of wicketkeepers as ODI opening batmen.

Take Matt Prior. Please. Take him. And move him down the order. He was happy there. Keeping wicket. Making runs. Now he’s been shunted up top. Another avatar to glide through one-day cricket’s matrix. Another attempt to find The One. Our saviour. Our Gilchrist.

Not f#@&ing happening is it? Never will.

Trott’s another one who had a bad day. Hit a rank long-hop from the Argos Adil Rashid straight to short mid-wicket. Embarrassing. Lord only knows what John Etheridge is tweeting about the standard of men’s cricket…

Picked up a bit of a calf strain. Not to worry though, I’m still 100% prime Kobe beef. Castleford Kobe beef, obviously. Although I did have to bat with a runner today and that in turn led to a mix up, with Mike Yardy becoming so confused he momentarily thought he was Usain Bolt.

When I eventually got back to the dressing room he was still trying to blame it on me. We had a brief, and frank, exchange of views and I believe his right testicle is expected to re-descend sometime during the World Cup. Hope I don’t aggravate my calf kicking the little bastard back up again.

That’s three defeats on the bounce now. Against Australia. Two more and we get a letter of condolence from Daniel Vettori and an invitation to tour Bangladesh again.

Bet that never happens to Charlotte Edwards…