9th January 2011

Brilliant, now I miss out on an IPL contract too. That’s most of our squad unsold. What have England ever done to annoy India? Oh.

I’m not so much bothered for m’sen, but mum had her heart set on one of them Japanese garden pagodas and I’d promised dad a beer fridge for the shed. How am I going to afford them now? I drank my tour win bonus celebrating after Sydney thanks to a love of finely made Gibsons and a crippling exchange rate making my bar tab look like Elton John’s quarterly bill from Interflora.

There’s no point trying to lend a few quid off of David Saker, the ECB had him over a barrel when he signed that new three year contract. Sure, they remembered what happened with Troy Cooley after 2005 but they also knew there was no way David would want to follow in those footsteps, not now the Australian attack is made up of Gentle Ben, a basket case and one of the Orcs from Lord of the Rings.

It’s like Swanny always says, “You can’t make a solid wall out of shit.” Well done, Graeme. Guess who spent their adolescence staring wistfully at a poster of Paul Weller rather than revising about wattle and daub for his mock history GCSE.

This isn’t getting any of us an IPL contract though. I wonder what would?

Winning the 20/20 world cup perhaps? Oh.