5th January 2011

What a day’s cricket.

It’s no wonder Michael Clarke was the only Australian to applaud when Ian Bell made his century. It must have been such a relief when someone finally claimed Clarke’s title as the most hated player in Australia. Bell did it the easy way, of course, without having to waste lots of time having sex with Lara Bingle.

Still, he shouldn’t let all that booing get to him; after all, the only thing stopping Ian from walking into the Australian side is the fact Australian batsmen never walk at all.

Thought it was a special knock from Paul Collingwood today. He’s a big a fan of The Two Ronnies and played his innings in tribute to them by using the footwork required to play the delivery before the one he was actually facing. The result, as you might imagine, was complete bill hooks.

But the centrepiece of the day’s play was another century from Alistair Cook. There were a few people at the ground wondering if it was just a hologram projection of his Brisbane innings, but Alistair really is that pale and two-dimensional. You know, he’s batted for over thirty-six hours this series and still hasn’t broken sweat. Or blinked. Or played an on drive. The only England player to spend more time at the crease in Australia was Wally Hammond and he caught an STD in the process.

We’ve got a chance to win the series tomorrow. I wonder what our open-topped bus parade round Sydney will be like?