4th January 2011

Getting out for a duck seems to have blown a fuse in our RoboTrott2000, as after dragging a Mitchell Johnson delivery onto his stumps he’s spent most of the afternoon trapped in an infinite loop of trash talking the ice-bath and trying to mark guard on the dressing room Terracotta floor. With a steady stream of abusive Saffer slang and red dust drifting across from him, management are going to have to move his cover drive sub-routine further down the instruction stack, as aggressive mode RoboTrott2000 clearly doesn’t operate as efficiently as standard edition v1.0.

Our own fault for trying to upgrade in the middle of a series. Best go back to the basics:

10 SCRATCH_OUT_GUARD

20 IF BALLS_THIS_OVER = 6 THEN SCRAMBLE_SINGLE ELSE FORWARD_DEFENSIVE

30 GOTO 10

You can’t go wrong with him on that setting. OfficerBotCook5000 has similar instructions himself but with the addition of a bespoke PAT_DOWN_PITCH sub-routine the backroom programmers at Essex had left over when their old Goochie75 had to be decommissioned.

Incidentally, I hope the press aren’t too hard on KP. His CPU was clearly being swamped by what’s known on the Internet as a Denial of Service attack. How’s a guy supposed to select the correct shot, ensure photographers get his best angle and make plans for a permanent statue of St Kevin of Chelsea slaying the evil Sussex dragon for Trafalgar square’s fourth plinth?

Will Boycott take that information overload into consideration when he’s criticising him? Of course not, even Sir Geoffrey struggles to imagine that level of narcissism.

Charles Colville on the other hand…

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