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27th December 2010

Blimey, Ricky Ponting’s a bit touchy these days isn’t he? Aleem kids him Gary Pratt’s the third umpire and he flies completely off the handle.

Geez, take a chill pill, George W.

Ok, having 80,000 people watch while your team metaphorically wipe their arse on your career CV might be enough to make Mother Teresa want to punch an orphan but don’t have a go at the umpires. They’re having to watch a Jonathan Trott century from 22 yards away as it is. Haven’t they suffered enough?

Important innings that from Trott. You could measure its greatness in the steady, rhythmical ticking over of digits as the stadium attendance gradually counted down. Some furious scratching around at the crease – a group of a dozen or so from St Kilda decide to get the early bus home. Bowler stopped in his run up for the umptenth time – a sheet metal worker from Bundoora opts to return home and ‘comfort himself’ with a DVD of Australia’s Top Model Season 2. A quick single into the off side and Ryan Harris’ ankle fractures out of sheer boredom.

We have found our Chris Tavaré and he’s emptying Australian grounds like a lunch break lecture on string theory.