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Writing1st December 2010

Arrived at ground in afternoon to find covers off and outfield damper than Paris Hilton when the Chippendales are in town. Our displeasure at ground staff was manifest. Stuart stomped around like Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letters F and U. Tremlett kept pushing me forward, occasionally poking his head over my shoulder to gesticulate and complain, in the style of British support for America’s ‘War on Terror’. Whilst Straussy fixed the curator with his best “this dessert wine has corked” remonstrative stare.

The lack of outdoor training facilities was a particular disappointment to the captain, who’d already booked himself a long net to make up for the “shame of getting out cheaply in the second innings to declaration bowling”. I suppose it’s true what they say. You can take the boy out of the public school but you can’t take the guilty desire for self-flagellation out of the boy. Makes you wonder how many runs he’d need to feel matron approved?

Speaking of public castigation, the edge finally seems to be smoothing to the Australian team’s press criticism. According to bowling coach, and unofficial cultural interpreter, David Saker, the criticism peaked yesterday at ‘caught driving another man’s car’ outrage and has since dipped down to mere ‘what are you doing in bed with my wife’ disappointment. A rather lopsided, sliding scale of turpitude that. But, as Swanny sagely surmised earlier in the tour, “Australia is a different country”.

You won’t get much past that lad, bar a Mike Hussey lofted straight drive, that is.