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  • Main rival, Graeme Swann, unable to attend due to cat being trapped down Chilean mine
  • PCB votes discounted – official form only contained Ijaz Butt drawing of UFO
  • That ODI double century made us all fall in love with sport again, didn’t it? Like when we watched Field of Dreams or realised God was making Ricky Ponting’s hair grow back.
  • Nomination video for Dale Steyn contained clip from The Human Centipede
  • Intervention by Kanye West
  • Votes from Australian selectors split between Marcus North and Nathan Hauritz
  • Kamran Akmal removed from list of nominees over fears he’d drop trophy. Or fall off stage.
  • Feng shui: BCCI arranged room so other nations trapped behind wall of chairs during voting
  • Sympathy for a sportsman who gets very little media coverage back home in India

And the main reason…

  • Dude, it’s Sachin f#&king Tendulkar