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  • Before team photo, rub grass into trouser knees to give impression of vigorous morning practice.
  • Volunteer to field in covers. Remember to smile confidently; you have a lovely smile
  • Pat down imaginary divots in front of fielding position. Take your time, the crowd needs to understand the lunar landscape you’re being asked to patrol.
  • Clap a lot and shout encouragement. This marks you out as a future captain – the most exciting three weeks of every Pakistani player’s career.
  • As the bowler runs in, walk forward on balls of feet with arms spread out in readiness. You know, just like the professionals do on TV.
  • If the ball is hit in your direction, DO NOT PANIC, this is a normal part of the day’s play.
  • If ball is more than ten yards away, make brief initial movement towards it, then stop, as if you’ve been wrong-footed by a viciously spinning ball. Stand up, put hands on hips and shake head. Curse your luck whilst mid-off runs round to field behind you.
  • Occasionally throw ball in to bowlers end to give impression you’re paying attention to the batmen’s running between the wickets rather than spending entire day plotting downfall of current captain.
  • In the unlikely event you catch the ball, try not to look too shocked

And remember…

  • Drop the next chance – you don’t want to be made wicketkeeper
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