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  • Trying to stop himself laughing at Rana Naved’s ponytail
  • Lacquer on white balls infused with mixture of turmeric, cumin and lap dancer sweat
  • Goading Dean Jones into dumb-arse comment
  • Well, you experiment with food when you’re in a foreign country, don’t you.
  • To give Pakistani supporters a desperately needed talking point
  • Testing to see if it was big enough to block Mark Nicholas’ mouth
  • Started with ‘gateway’ tape ball and gradually got addicted to the harder stuff
  • He hadn’t done anything particularly stupid for a while
  • Throwing down the gauntlet for Stuart Broad

And the reason he actually gave…

  • He was “trying to smell it”…